It’s late at night, and i should be sleeping.
All my small minions sleep in their beds, and my handsome guy is asleep next to me. But it was another exciting day, and my mind is still spinning with unfinished things.
It’s Sunday, usually a “day of rest.” For me it is a day of “Run a little faster with a smile plastered to your face.” But not today. Today there wasn’t normal church. Today was a longer meeting where our small people haven’t been welcomed the same because they can’t sit quietly for two hours. So instead of enduring the shame that came with last year and the technology we only cave to once a year, we chose not to go at all. Instead we had hard emotional talks.
Also not restful. But important.
When life has so much heavy emotional content, like raising special little people, sometimes our own mental health fall by the wayside. Not on purpose of course, but it happens. And misunderstanding build.
So we started a talk, knowing we were diving into the deep end of the pool, while laying tile, while the kids watched show after show. And the pool was deeper than we guessed.
So, here it is, late at night. I love my husband, more than the sky. You can tell because, well, we have 7 kids, we own our own business, we’ve miscarried 6 babies, we’ve had major ups and downs, and I am still here. So is he. But those aren’t the things that either of us needed to know.
My small scared heart needed to know that with 50 pounds more than when we got married, a bum knee, and not always the best attitude, I was worth loving. I needed to know I was enough. That he saw me, The whole me, all the ugly stuff, all the pretty stuff, all the scary stuff, And he liked me anyway.
His teenage heart needed to know I think he is cute. He makes my heart excited when I see him. That I want to run away and make out in the car all the time even when there is no way we can really do that right now, because we are laying tile in our bathroom…But i want to.
So friends out there, remember: You are enough.
Right as you are.
Without any changes. Or excuses.
At the exact weight, height, strength, endurance, hair color, hope level, that you are.
You are perfectly enough. Nothing you have done, or can do, will change that.
Even without a shower. Without a job, without a husband or wife. Without the deepest need of your heart . You are still enough.
And I am here to remind you to go out and be authentic. Be vulnerable. Be creative.
The world needs you. Right now.